Cover Your Bases

Post game running bases

We were all at Connor's baseball summer league game the other night. It's getting rare that we don't know the kids who play on all the teams, our town is not that big. Charlotte was playing in the dirt with two preschool boys, scooping dirt into a dump truck. I was worried that they might throw the dirt in each other eyes, so I had Connor stay near them when he was on the bench,waiting for his turn at bat. Another boy on his team asked him who was this girl (Charlotte) was by the bench. Connor said, "It's my sister". The boys says, "She doesn't look like you". Connor says not really paying attention to him, (double play in field), "She's adopted, from China", and walks away. Charlotte hears this and screams out"I'm not adopted"!!!! 

Hmmmmmmmm. What??? Did I just hear ........Um, um, uh, oh!!

And everything I have read about adoption just blew up my in brain. Years of reading books, blogs, Adoption Families Magazines, adoption therapists, specialists speakers, group meetings, you name it, I did it. She was about 5 feet away from me, I was speaking with some baseball moms in the bleachers, but watching her the whole time and was just blown away. What to do, what not to do! Lot's of people we knew and didn't know heard her.  She was happily playing in the dirt following her declaration. I am sure if Connor had said she was a peacock, she would have said the same thing. She is three, so I didn't really think she would even know what adopted would mean if I explained it to her. I was just so shocked it happened but then I felt I shouldn't be. I have to be more ready.

The next morning I was curious to see where we were at, how she was feeling, if anything had changed. Charlotte loves the story how we became a family. She loves to hear how how her birth mom gave birth to a baby girl in China. Her birth parents were unable to raise her. We don't know why. Mama and Daddy lived in the US and wanted to have a baby girl and knew our daughter was in China. We took a plane, met our beautiful Charlotte and she came home with us on a plane. We are a family.  That's what she understands happened. Now that we had a situation, I realized a minor mistake I made. 

I forgot to tell her she is adopted.!!!!!

Sure I have been trying to keep it age appropriate, but I left out that word. I guess I forget my baby is getting bigger, exposed to more, meeting more people. She has been to summer camp, preschool, dance, gymnastics, and it never came up. But it has, and it will and so what!! Of course she is adopted, she was born in China. We are not Chinese! Adoption is how we were made a family. There are millions like our family and adoption is no longer whispered about or kept in secret. But I had just never said the word. Adopted. Me, in wanting it to be so normal for her, I realized I never used it when speaking to her.

So I told her. We went through our regular telling of how she came to our family from China, and at the end of the story I said, ".....and so Mama and Daddy adopted you , you adopted us, and we became a family. Adoption is how our family was formed. Your adopted! That's it.

Then she asked for a drink. Then crackers, and that was it.

So she knows, but not really. This just taught me I need to keep talking. Keep explaining and being here when she wants to talk about it. I want being adopted for her to be just part of her life, not this heavy meaning, or all encompassing part of her. I want her to be able to talk to me anytime she has feelings about it, good or bad. Whether she is 3, 7, 13, and older I hope for her next time someone asks she proudly says, 'Yep, I'm adopted".